i don't know what i was expecting, really. i mean, come on. Six Seven Otago Uni students and two VITC workers staying over here while our parents are away. What could i have expected to happen? It wasn't like they were just going to sit around and play board games. i knew that they'd be drinking, but i didn't know that they're be doing right outside on the deck where i could hear them. They were going to go into town, see, so i figured i'd be safe. But they didn't, and there they were, on the deck, drinking, smoking, laughing. And there i was. Somehow i found myself out there with them. i'd been having a bad day, see, and well, you know how nice it is to forget. i didn't really start until someone put Absolution on. Very loud. And no way was i going to be able to sit there sober, listening to Muse, without having some sort of breakdown/panic attack/etc. So i joined in the game. It was Circle of Death. After a while we stopped playing games and just sat around the table drinking and smoking and talking and arguing over which music to listen to. People started going to bed, my sister started throwing up, and i went inside. i wasn't even that drunk because i hadn't thrown up and i had speech and i was still walking. Eventually i went to bed and to sleep. What i don't understand is how hangovers work in our family. Our parents were out drinking all night, too. And they were up and doing things fine before eight. i was awake but not very happy about it. My sister and i always get it way worse. Rawr.

After everyone left this morning i went to the mall to get some photos printed. i also bought the Matrix and a CD. i'm shocked and appalled at myself that i haven't watched the Matrix yet. i intend to watch it next Friday night.

On another note, i have to go see a therapist on Tuesday morning. Which i'm kind of dreading. Mainly because of the fact that as i'm under sixteen i have to bring a parent/guardian. Which means my mother. So it's going to be very interesting. They are going to psychoanalyse me so i can get labelled and given colourfull things to shove down my throat every day. Ugh. My mother is not impressed about this little scenario we're having at the moment. i'm not allowed to be mentally ill because how selfish of me. i can easily get out of the appointment because my mother certainly does not want to go so i just need to say that i'm okay, really. But the thing is, my friends would not let me do that. If they found out that i am not going then i will be in a lot of trouble with them. So i'm going to have to bite my tongue and get through this hour and a half and try forget about my mother being there, apparently. i'm supposed to tell the truth so i can get the help i need, but i'm really still in denial about it all. But hey, the fact that i'm willing to accept the fact that i'm in denial has to count for something, right? Right? The time has come, the walrus said... To see if i really am crazy.